Lord, you know me. You built me. You love me. Nothing I do or say is a surprise to You. You can heal me with a breath, with a word. Yet there are times when healing is second best, and You know when those times are, too. And in those times, You go into the fire with us, keeping us from destruction. In this season, I have seen Your miracles already over and over again. I cannot understand the peace you've blanketed me in. I don't have that kind of faith. I don't. But You do-and you give it when we need it. And I thank You. I see how You prepared me far ahead of time, giving me understanding which has been my guard and comfort.
I tend to place a lot of trust in the things You've instructed me to do, but need to remember that we can only do so much. Then, we must rest in Your ability to do the rest.
I believe that this week's tests will reveal that there is no dangerous disease in my body. I've studied and worked too hard for too long for that to be. But I also know that life surprises us sometimes. If disease is there, I don't need the extra stress of feeling cheated. There is no "cheated." Or that I've lost credibility as the health lady with all the advice. -Stupid attachment. Or to make an exhibit for You somehow. You are amazing all on Your own. We will live and die and our stories don't usually cause others all that much thought one way or another. We just do the best we can with Your help, and if we help someone once in a while it's sweet. And if I'm sick, I would be grateful as can be that it is early and that I got that screening (the one that, with proven reasons, I was so reluctant to have). And even though it's well known that many women over-treat this thing just to be safe, I will never again judge them for it (if I ever did) now that I have all the information, and have been to the belly of this beast. Hey, life is complicated and seldom black & white. I give my black & whites and my other attachments up to You right now. I release anything I might have to prove. Who needs it? Maybe letting go is what You mean when You ask "wilt thou be whole?" And maybe that's the best healing of all.
And while I'm looking into my heart here, Lord, I see other hurts and fears that I need to release as well. This is a great time to put them away once and for all. We don't need them! They only hurt us more. Please help me release them all. To reach out, or whatever it takes to get it done. This could be the best season of my life. I don't want to waste the opportunities that lie in it. Life is short. Please help me be whole. -Whether I'm sick or not.
Lord, I've done what I know to do. -What I believe You have instructed. I've learned ways to be more healthy, and done them. I've called loved ones together for prayer, and wow, what prayer has already gone up! And now I've heard Your prayer to me to drop my need for silly stuff and just enjoy what You have in store. You can now do what I cannot, and I know that You will. And no matter what our news is, a miracle is coming. I love You so very much, Father, and I thank You with all my heart. Amen.
